Image While I am very aware that this entry should be titled, Return of the Dead, I felt that focusing on what has happened in the months I have been away is much less important than what has happened in the last few weeks.

I love to write.  It is why I am here, you are here, we are here… but the problem is that I am used to being a ‘closet’ writer.  I struggle with knowing how to say what I need to say because I am so worried about offending people, causing conflict or being misunderstood.  I have been urged for years to blog, have spoke at a few public events, and still, I just couldn’t seem to get past this toxic feeling that I really didn’t have anything that great to say or it was going to make too many waves, so what was the point of doing it publicly?

The truth is this… I am a dirty writer!  I write about things that are controversial, I don’t always punctuate properly and I usually speak ‘too openly’ of my personal experiences.  I’m not easily embarrassed and I don’t really mind talking openly about things that gross me out, whether it is physically or spiritually, or whatever. The problem is that I am open and blunt and confident in my opinions, just not in sharing them publicly.

I thought that God was calling me to write publicly because He was going to do something amazing to me to make my writings worth enduring.  I see now, that is NOT the case! God has already done amazing things in my life and He wants me to be honest about the things I have gone through and how I really feel about them.  I hope that people will jump in and correct me when I’m wrong… I want people to share their opinions about my situations or the situations I present.  I don’t want to be who I was a year ago.  I don’t even want to be the same person I was yesterday!  I finally get it!

Like clear, fresh water running over my body, I feel like I can finally write again.  I have been cleansed of this biting fear that has kept me trapped in my own notebook.  I have been set free from the stickiness of the ink that has bound me to paper locked away for no one to see.  I finally get it and I want you to get it too!  I’m ready!

Hopefully… so are you!

Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure;
I am clean and without sin”?  Proverbs 20:9

Here’s to being cleansed every day for the rest of our lives!

See you soon!


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